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Bring It On

Should I Tell My Husband About My Premarital Sex?

I've been married for 15 years. Should I tell my husband about the premarital sexual relationships I've had? -

QUESTION: I've been married for 15 years. Should I tell my husband about the premarital sexual relationships I've had?

PAT ROBERTSON: I think that's a big mistake. You've been married 15 and now you're going to go back and talk about what you did when you were a sophomore in high school or a freshman in college? I mean, that's under the blood. You give that to Jesus and you confess it to Jesus. Now if you're cheating on your husband, I think that's something you ought to go tell him about. But what happened in your past, you don't want to hear what he did and he didn't want to hear what you did because you don't want those old boyfriends and girlfriends popping up in the middle of your relationship.

That's not what that Scripture means. It doesn't mean go back and dredge up all the garbage in your past and confess it to your friends. That's not what it's about. You do that to Jesus when you get saved. This has to do with the sins you're committing against others and what you're doing openly, and if there's something in your walk after you come to the Lord, that's the kind of thing that you need help. But you don't go back and dredge up the past. It is a big mistake, in my opinion, although you may have to rehearse it to the Lord sometime just for your own good.

QUESTION: I have a 17-year-old son who came home with both of his ears pierced. He told me it was just for looks, but somehow I think it was to go against me, as well as God. He says he's a Christian but wants to remain in the world. What should I do with him? Is there anything in the Bible that talks about men wearing earrings?

PAT: The Bible does talk about cuttings and piercings. All this stuff is a remnant, or an emblem of satanism -- the tattoos, the body piercing, all this. In many cultures, for example, the demonic powers invade people and supposedly they're immune to pain, and then they skewer themselves. They stick things through their tongues and their mouths -- this type of thing comes directly from satanism. So the rings in the ears, I don't know. It's just one part of weirdness and it's one part of teen-age rebellion and what do you do with them? I hope they don't get their ear lobes pulled off by somebody someplace. But if you've got any solution, I don't know what it is, except to sit down and talk to them and say, `Look, this is from paganism. You are a Christian.'

TERRY MEEUWSEN: And I think, Pat, that seems to be a part of our culture today, that kids feel like if it's, `Not what it means in my heart, then it's OK for me to do it.'

PAT: Oh, no.

TERRY: They don't equate the connection between the two. So I think maybe to gently pull out some Scriptures. What I wouldn't do is try to find Scriptures and box the ears of your child with this. You know, the greatest thing we can do is pray for them.

PAT: I happen to know about one that had a big thing stuck in her tongue. I mean, it gets infected, it's hard to eat and, it has certain sexual connotations we won't go into. But in any event, it was a sign of rebellion. And after awhile you say, `Look, you've got a lot of potential. I mean, you really are smart, you've got a lot of potential. You've got something good going for you. Why do you screw your life up? You are something precious in God's eyes. Don't try to make yourself look like a freak and then wonder how you get the tattoos off after you've gotten your body all messed up.'

QUESTIO: My sister-in-law has been living with a man who is paralyzed. They have talked about getting married. But if they did, he would lose his entire Medicaid package. They said they may just have a wedding ceremony but not have it legally documented. Do you think this is right?

PAT: What is legal except a piece of paper that some justice of the peace solemnifies. It gives you certain legal rights. I think marriage is wonderful. But a situation like that with a paralyzed man, there are many people that are not being married because there's a marriage penalty tax. The government mitigates against marriage. And what we're trying to do is to get the marriage penalty tax removed. The most important thing about marriage is that that that couple solemnifies their relationship before God. And if they don't want to file for a marriage license, that's their business. I don't think before God, that has any relationship one way or the other.

QUESTION: I would like to know how many times God will forgive us. Is there a limit for us to ask for forgiveness?

PAT:Well, Jesus talked about it, Himself. The disciples said to him, `Well, how many times should I forgive my neighbor? Seven times?' And he said, `Seven times 70.' So there's no limit to God's forgiveness. But at the same time, if you want to have peace and joy in your own life, you just can't keep on sinning and keep on confessing and keep on going back to the same thing. I don't think there's ever any limit to God's forgiveness, but at the same time, I just think it's unwise to presume on his mercy. I just don't think that's a good policy.

QUESTION: My wife and I married eight years ago. She is Jewish and I'm born again. Our faith differences haven't been a problem until she became pregnant. Now, against my objection, she wants to raise the baby in the Jewish faith. Because of her decision, this problem is now driving a wedge between us. We're even talking about splitting up. Breaking up can't be the answer. The baby is due in four months and I really need some answers.

PAT:: That's a tough one. That's why the Bible makes it clear be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers. Now as an observant Jew, she's obviously a believer in God and a believer in the Old Testament, I presume. And maybe she's not. Maybe she's a secular Jew. I don't know what her faith is. And is it merely some kind of a ritual she's bringing him into? Because there's a lot of Jewishness that's just cultural these days. It's not really religious. It's just some things people do because of their ethnicity. But I suppose in a situation like this, since you're into a marriage, you love your wife, she loves you, the most intelligent thing to do would be to expose that child to the teachings of the Bible because, let's face it, Christians and Jews share the same Old Testament, we share the same traditions. And what you need to do with your wife is sit down and say, `Listen, let's you and I find those things in the Bible, in the Torah that we agree on and in the prophets that we agree on. And let's teach the child those things we agree on.' But there are certain ritual things that really are not necessarily significant. But the rite of circumcision, there's nothing wrong with that and these other things. But sooner or later, that child needs to be brought to the Messiah, it seems like to me, and that's going to be a serious problem. Maybe you can say when the child gets to the age of the so-called bar mitzvah, let him or her decide and let's both give him the evidence as to which it is. But that's a difficult thing and I don't know what else to say.

QUESTION: My mother-in-law continues to remain close to my husband's first wife. I am his second wife. I feel as if she's never really supported our marriage and even wishes that he might have stayed married to his first wife. Because of this, I sometimes harbor bitterness towards her and feel betrayed. Should I confront her and tell her how I feel?

PAT:: I don't think so. I don't think it's going to do you any good. I think, in your own life, second marriages are tough. Again, we're talking about a situation in the United States where marriages are being broken and they're being reformed and they're being broken and they're being reformed. And there are children from one marriage and children of another marriage. And it's a confused mess. And, yes, there are confusing alliances. Do the best you can. Pray for forgiveness. Love your mother-in-law and see if things won't work out.

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